How to stay Single and Sane

How does one stay single and sane? How do you enjoy your life alone? I have been single for almost 3 years now. The last time i was in a relationship it was just pure bliss and i enjoyed it. Does that mean it was perfect? nope. It just means i have matured enough to be able to separate the good from the non important stuff. The non important is what led to the break up and the good stuff is how good life is right now and how i choose to just be ME.

As a woman there is so much pressure to be in a relationship and feel fulfilled.Sometimes we may be unaware of this but the pressure is more internal and external. In other words if you can accept yourself as a single and whole individual and not a half waiting to be fulfilled you will be okay on this phase of being single unless of course you want to be a nun, then i cannot help. I was born in the 80s and i grew up seeing friends, family and even my own parents declare their undying love for their partners in front of me. IO grew up around love and i guess i formulated what i wanted in a partner at a young age, of course with time you learn that you perception of love may not be perfect or the one that will apply and work well for you because you really have not experienced love enough for you to really make an informed decision of what works for you and what does not.

It is after a few heartbreaks and kissing some frogs as they call it that you truly learn what works for you and what doesn’t. So in that period when you are single and not dating anyone, how do you stay sane? How do you find happiness in yourself and give yourself a chance to be happy even though you know it is hard? The answer is HOPE!!

1. A break up is not a permanent situation. It is temporary like most challenges in life. Your challenge now is not the fact that you are single. You cannot fight that. You are either dating or not. In the mean time you have to accept and love being alone and enjoy your own presence in quiet moment when Mr man is not yet around

2. Forgive yourself and MOVE ON. Sometimes move on is not easy especially if you do not have closure and you need answers but your partner went AWOL on you like my ex did. If it was your fault , you have to surrender it to the Lord and ask for forgiveness but most importantly forgive yourself and understand you are not perfect. As women we want and choose to take on so much and honestly it is not necessary, no one sails a tight and perfect ship in this journey in life, they just appear to and you and i know there is more to life than meets the eye. We want and desire to be perfect and when we do not reach that status or goal we are disappointed and internalize this. Look in the mirror again, you are perfect and you will make mistakes . So what? Give yourself a break it is the only way you can truly breathe and try again when you are ready

3. Do not watch soapies or romantic movies. Girl stay away from that stuff unless if you have enough popcorn and tissue.

4. Enjoy your own company. If you cannot go to the mall and look forward to spoiling yourself with a hot new pair of shoes or getting yourself a book from one of your favorite authors (that is if you read) or getting home after a hard day at work and taking a  nice bath  changing into your sexy pjs and tucking in early with a glass of wine and your gratitude prayer then i doubt you enjoy your own company. Let it soak in. Look at yourself, your goals , your dreams and relationships. DO you really need a man to be functional and successful at every turn in your life?

5. This sounds crazy but perving over guys helps at times. My friends and i share and post pics of hot guys on Social Media and go gaga over them. Heck i have perving moments in a Supermarket while doing shopping. I think it is healthy and till Mr Man come sit is good to appreciate the man around you. Not all is lost and gloomy , yours is coming..In the mean time have fun

6. Buy lingerie girl. I recommend Lasenza. Remind yourself how gorgeous and sexy you are.. No more ANC and Team building T -shirts when you tuck in at night. Nothing beats feeling sexy and knowing you are sexy. It is such a confidence booster and as we know by now , positive attracts positive .

7. Spend time with people who love you for you and do not secretly try and hook you up in the hope that you will be whole. As you are single now, you are whole. I have been around people who love me but somehow are not happy that i am single, they have been honest and voiced their opinions. Why do people act like a woman a piece of vegetable sitting around aimlessly on a vegetable shelf at Food Lovers Market waiting to be picked? I don’t get that. I seriously don’t. The best thing you can do for yourself is to not listen or entertain such people. There are people who love your company , who you are and your achievements with a man attached to that or not.

8. Be you and Do you. If you focus so much on dating so often you will lose the very essence of life. Enjoying your time and maximizing your time while you are alive. You have to be fully present in the time you have and enjoy it to the best of your ability and it starts today…

9. Feel yourself girl!! Queen Bey has taught us all one thing….”FEEL YOURSELF”. This is meant in the most positive and self developing way…Put them heels on, let your hair down and switch on your favorite dance

This post does not in anyway speak for all women. Ultimately it’s life…Enjoy it!!!