Lessons to take from Dj Zinhle

Infidelity is one of the major concerns affecting our Society. We are slapped with this reminder every day as we observe the moral decadence of our society or is it? Considering that we have moved from the norm of the one woman -one man relationships to open marriages where two can be one but still have partners on the side, it is hard to keep up.

SA’s media power couple Dj Zinhle and Hip Hop Artist AKA recently broke up and if that was not enough we soon had to find out that the reason for that break up was infidelity. Unfortunately the woman SA has come to love as a role model for young women who happens to be the face of this infidelity is Bonang Matheba the Tv Presenter and Revlon Ambassador.

Dj Zinhle confirmed the reason for her break up on her Blog “Moments By Dj Zinhle” by releasing an official statement saying : “A week before our daughter was born, I found out about an affair between Kiernan (the father of my child) and Bonang Matheba. I also received confirmation of the rumours through an honest conversation which I had with Kiernan, who confirmed that the affair had been going on for over 5 months. I have dealt with this and found peace with his choice. After the release of our first statement regarding the separation I felt that there was no need to go into details about the reasons, however, after the continued public display of Kiernan and Bonang’s relationship as well as the commentary surrounding it, it has become important for me to affirm my power as a women, my strength of character, my continued focus on my work and my commitment to being a positive role model.”

Lessons learnt from Zinhle’s situation

1. Name and shame. If your partner has cheated, it is what it is. That devil has a name , it is called infidelity. Sometimes as women we internalize issues and try and figure out what it is we have done wrong and in so doing we escape from the real issue at hand , which is addressing what has happened. Calling a spade a spade allows one to acknowledge and accept what the challenge is.

2. Don’t be in denial. If you look the other way and make excuses and try and defend what your partner has done you are as guilty as they are because you are helping cover this deed up as opposed to being open to fixing it and acknowledging what it is.

3. Choose from the beginning what you will tolerate and not tolerate when you enter a relationship. We always talk about “knowing oneself”. Self knowledge also comes with having a value system you live by and also having principles. If you do not believe in infidelity do not be found practicing it or worse still condoning it. Zinhle shows how much she values herself by sticking to her principles. It must take courage to make a decision that she did by separating herself from AKA and I personally respect her for that. Nowadays infidelity has become such a norm that women have adapted to this standard of love in a relationship.

4. Make a decision and move on. Despite the hurt at some point you have to move on. If you decide to stay with a man who cheats that your decision, you have to be comfortable with it and be at peace with it.

I really applaud Zinhle for naming and shaming AKA and Bonang despite the silence from both of them. She is brave and remembering the values and principles that govern her brand and living up to them makes me respect her even more. All the best to her on her journey as a Mom.

As always I welcome your thoughts and feedback. Will infidelity ever come to an end? Do you fault AKA or Bonang or both of them? What do you think of Dj Zinhle coming out about what happened to her? If you want to be anonymous you are welcome to email me : lorahsibbs@gmail.com