The “Kiss It Better” Experience

“Kiss it, kiss it better , baby”

“Kiss it,kiss it better, baby”

One thing about Rihanna’s music that i have come to appreciate is the honesty. As she has matured as an Artist she has this ability to sing about the things that we so often talk about in our private conversations but given the opportunity to say it in public , we seldom do.

After she launched her latest album i was curious about her “Kiss it better” track and i must say after i listened to it via Youtube, i was blown away. As women we all at some point in our lives have tried to manipulate our exes to come back into our lives either by reminding him or flaunting what he is apparently missing out on. I swear some of the stuff women do is craaaazy. We seriously need our own Hall of Fame for the things we do all in the name of love or the fear of the lack or absence of love.

About a month ago i chose to permanently end a relationship with an ex. I was sickened by the back and forth between us in particular myself. I was frustrated in my indecisiveness and instead of blaming it on him , i took ownership of what i wanted going forward. I realized that i was not in a happy place (not necessarily because of him coz we know that happiness is a choice). Love was no longer on the menu. So why sit around and order something you know you are not interested in?

For a while we would call and chat and all he would do is make empty promises about coming to see me or spending time with me and that never materialized. What led us to this point is a long story for another day..lol. I could see a trend and i would accommodate it. I just lacked the courage to tell him it was not working out anymore and i was tired of the lies and promises and the inconsistencies. So eventually i ended things with him. I felt great in the beginning because it was a long time coming and i was happy that i could finally take control of my love life and heal.

The first weekend was okay. I was empowered and feeling strong . You know that “good riddance” feeling? Who was i kidding? Then i had my “kiss it better” experience for almost 3 weeks. It was bad. The kiss it better experience is the “man f…k your pride , take it back, take it all back” moment that Rihanna expresses in her track. Where you miss you ex badly ( if not badly he is not the one i am referring to) . You want him back. You want him to call you and say ” i am sorry baby, give me another chance”. You miss him. You miss his kisses, his touch, the conversations, the laughter and all that comes with the relationship. It almost seems like an addiction whereby if you have just one last smoke , you will be good. You also know that this smoke you crave for it not good for you (i don’t smoke but i guess this is the best comparison that came to mind , whatever you can’t live without)..

Anyway my “kiss it better” moment happened after i had deleted my ex ‘s number and all our conversations. In my silly moment i went back to see if i could get his number back but i couldn’t. Like Mary Jane  i found myself going through my emails to find his number. I swear if you were with me in that moment you would have thought i was losing it. As soon as i found his number it took me 30 minutes to decide if i should call him or not. Anyway i called him and as soon as i heard his voice , i just went blank. I didn’t know what to say and he greeted me twice before i responded…

What happened thereafter? Nothing actually…

Heart break happens to all of us at some point in our lives. I recently had the pleasure of attending a wonderful event hosted by a friend, Lebo Pule. One of the ladies she invited as a Speaker is an author of the book titled ” The Goddess Bootcamp” . Kagiso Msimango spoke about the purpose of relationships and how they are a true mirror of ourselves. I have often said that the things in others that frustrate us the most are the very same things we do not have ourselves or we cannot give others. She cemented that observation with the examples she gave from her experience as a Coach. So the essence of relationships is not to connect, or to be loved or to have sex. The closer we become with someone the closer we see ourselves so in essence the people we choose to relate ourselves with are our mirrors. Look closely.

So when your relationship has reached its course and you want to walk away , do it boo. In case that “kiss it better” moment creeps on you and you want him back be honest with yourself and the reasons you want this man back. How will your reunion serve you and have you learnt anything from your experience that you can use to make the relationship better… don’t just want him back so he can kiss it better…

……….Remember you are loved and Appreciated ………