The Mothers who love and curse their own

A mother plays a pivotal role in one’s life regardless of the life stage you are in. We grew up with the perception that mothers love their children unconditionally but the older I am getting I am observing that this is not true. There are mothers who love seems to stretch as far as their children’s pockets can stretch.

My friend and I were chatting about her venturing into Entrepreneurship has affected her relationship with her Mother. She went to explain how the emotional support is as good as non existent. One of most important things she also pointed out was how her position of being the favorite child quickly changed now that she was not the one bringing in the fat pay check at the end of the month.

This is not the 1st time I am hearing of such incidents in black families. It seems to me like the child who pays back black tax soon and consistently can quickly turn into favorite child in the family. It also seems Mothers out there can easily switch teams depending on who is more successful.Mothers who support the children when there is something in it for them and don’t support the children who are not financially stable. I strongly suspect that black tax is the biggest contributor to this culture in our black communities.As Africans we were also raised not to question or elders so even if you found yourself in this situation there is a possibility you will be more comfortable telling a friend than confronting your Mom.

When I first resigned from my 8 to 5pm I was so excited about my future. I did not tell my parents about my resignation. I wanted to do it over the phone . After settling down I realized it was now time to gently lay down the elephant.

I told my Mom I had resigned and I was starting my own business as a Stylist etc .She could not believe it. She started crying. There is nothing that can break a child’s heart than seeing their Mother cry.In that moment whether she meant to or not I felt like my business had failed even before it took off based on the reaction I had received at home. Her tears were definitely of fear and somewhat loss. I could definitely understand the fear part and why she was concerned. I am the eldest child and i was the one helping my parents out when they needed me. I was not the only one chartering into the unknown.The initial response was a bit scary. I guess my Mom needed a day to let it all sink in.The following day she started asking about the business and taking a keen interest in it. She quickly became my biggest fan and stood by me.

After a few days I started focusing on my 1st event. I was just excited and looking forward to It. I managed the entire process myself, arranged for Media interviews etc. This vision was my responsibility so i had to embrace the lonely moments that came with the business. My event was a major flop and all my Mom said to me was “try again? She was one of my guests at the event. I appreciate that she dropped everything she was doing to be there.Some parents do not even know how well their children can sing,how good they are at what they do,the hidden skills they have etc. They are not actively present and involved in their children’s lives. Why must your child become famous before you can notice what they are good at?

Anyway in 2012 i then found myself working with the team that was responsible for Miss Zimbabwe. I joined the Team as the event coördinator . My intention was to join the team as an Image Consultant but the Vacancy had already been filled. During that period i was based in Harare ( which is about 5 to 6 hr drive) to Bulawayo. Since i had taken on this role i had not returned home to see my family and my Mom was insisting that i visit them just for 1 weekend.

One of the major set backs in Entrepreneurship is Capital. If your loved one goes into business be prepared for those days when they tell you they have no transport money or food or airtime. It happens to the best of us. I took on this job i was not making enough to br self sufficient. I could not tell my parents that i could not come home to visit because i was broke. I struggled with how i   would break the news to them but God always works in ways that are mysterious to us. I procrastinated telling my family that i was not coming home on that weekend till the dat i was meant to depart for Bulawayo. I eventually asked the Lord for courage to just tell the truth. What was strange enough was that on one hand i had told Aunt i would be visiting my family over the weekend and returning for work on Monday and on the other hand i knew i did not have the money.

As i was making my way into town i receive a call from my Mom asking me what Time my bus departs. I lied to her and said 3 pm and she responded and said “that is perfect because i booked a bus for You departing at 3 pm ” . I literally had tears in eyes and I was in awe of this kind gesture from my Mom. I was trying to be strong and I wanted to reject the offer and my Mom said something that stuck with me till today” you are my daughter and I love you.Who else is worthy of this kind off treatment but you? Why don’t you feel you are worthy? All I want is the best for my daughter because she is worth every penny I will spend”. Immediately after we finished chatting I later found out that at that time the bus she booked for me was over R300.This was double the taxi fare. I still thought it was too much. My Mom also sent me airtime for the trip. I just thought she was being too much but the truth was that I needed it. I was too ashamed to ask for help.

It is true that listening is identifying what is not being said. An entrepreneurship journey is tough on anyone. Children no matter how adult enough still need support from their family more than anything else.As parents you cannot bless us and use the same mouth to curse and crush our dreams.We may not need or ask for financial backing from you but believe me a phone call or SMS can go a long way.Be interested. Be genuine about being interested.Ask questions? how is the business or project? How are you coping? Are you enjoying it? Are you happy? How can I support you?

Don’t switch teams because your child is going through a rough patch and you don’t get that extra cash that used to come month end or you won’t be getting christmas groceries. Be patient with whatever changes your child is going through. Whether you doubt they will make it or not is not the focus. This moment or experience is not about you. It us about your child and their needs. If you are a family member the same applies to you. Support your brother or sister.

I thank God for my Mom,Dad and siblings support. Their level of patience has been amazing. When my business struggles no one ever says go back and get a job. I hear what can you do differently, how and where are you marketing ,how are others doing it, be patient. That alone is encouraging enough. It motivates me to keep going. Surely you can do the same for your loved one who decided to start a new calling or purpose or start a business.

of the month.