Thou Must Elevate Me….as well

Elevating and stroking a man’s ego comes naturally for most women.In Southern Africa we are taught this all damn day and from a tender age as well. If you don’t know what I am talking about or you are not familiar with this topic let me kindly share some ego stroking and elevation tips

When your man speaks, listen . This is common sense right? Only one person can speak at a time during a conversation in order for both parties to understand each other. This kind of listening is sugar coated as “listening” but in essence they are referring to obedience. Obey your husband all shall be well with you.

Create a home that is warm and comfortable for him to come to. And let me guess he bought the home so he has done his contribution, now it’s your turn to do yours. Lol. It is a woman’s responsibility to create that environment because its in their nature and PS they have been trained for it.This is why some men shy away from the kitchen because it is a woman’s place and he gets the lounge where he can be wined and dined.

When you are married your husband is the head of the house. He must be given his space and treated as such. Do not nag him over petty things. Again a woman is being prepared to be on the giving side and not the receiving or reciprocating end. She is being prepared for being in a space of dependency. I am depending on my man to affirm that I am doing the right thing, for my in laws to affirm I am a good Makoti because I am a peace maker, I am the nurturer and the one who loves and gives.

Men cheat but don’t leave him. Forgive him and keep working on it. Marriage is tough and we have been there before. These are your elders giving you advice. They are preparing you for the worst thing anyone has to endure then they ask you to glaze it with some sweetness, the forgiveness.LOL Let it be you who cheats. You are dead meat Sisi.

Support your husband and encourage him with his work and dreams. I bet you at that point no one has actually asked you , what your dreams and hopes for this marriage are… I have attended these sessions so I am familiar with all this.

From a young age family and parents prepare you for marriage more than do for life and work. You are taught how to make the bed as if you lodge in a hotel, you are taught how to cook like a chef because the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. You are also taught how to be a domestic goddess because no in laws want a dirty and lazy Makoti .

If you master all this, you are sorted as a woman, suitors will come in lines asking for your hand in marriage and guess who is giving the advice, women of course and its only from a natural place of knowledge and experience.

When are you going to elevate me or teach me how to elevate myself? When are we going to talk about my dreams within the marriage, my dreams as a married woman who has children but also wants to be happy living her purpose. When are we going to talk about how my ideal kind of happiness is not the car you bought me and that brazillian that cost R3 000. When are we going to talk about how tiring work can be and how u can actually have a crappy week at work and all I ask is that you tuck the kids in and at least try and cook some dinner and not wait for me to get home at 8pm and start cooking.No bubble bath? No let me give you a massage? No lets do take sways I can see you are exhausted my love? Ha?????

I wish I could share the things women talk about in person and online to highlight their misery in these overrated marriages sold to us from a young age. I look forward to being married too. Surprising , right? I actually see my family, my home environment and my partner as well. I see it all and I am excited.

What I am not excited about is our patriarchal society tendencies which have gone on for too long. Some family want and prefer that marriage benefits the husband. Whether they are aware or not is another blog post but sadly they instigate and create the situations women find themselves in when they are now being abused and they are scared to walk away and divorce their partners.

Our society teaches to put men first. Its going to take a while before women can put themselves first and to also put other women’s needs first and teach them to support each other and not compete against each other in a battle to win the best men or willingly participate in bringing each other down.

For centuries the biggest achievement was marriage and having children. You be surprised that in some families till to date a woman can have it all but if she is not married and has no children , something is wrong with her, why doesn’t any man want her? So our sisters go home look at themselves and think something is wrong with them hence they start to change their outward appearances hoping to fill up and dress up the bait so they can catch the fish

Happiness is a choice and I can create a joyful life for myself. I believe that when we come together some principles should then apply coz its a different ball game. LETS ELEVATE EACH OTHER. Its not always about me, its not always about you. Its about US!! Though shalt elevate me as well.