Where to???

Just a while ago my friend and I were having a conversation about men and the kind of drama we have both had in our past relationships.At this stage in our lives we have both individually chosen to appreciate certain qualities in a man, not to say we did not do that before but I guess we are realizing that the check list we created when we were in High School is so unrealistic. In other words we know what bullshit is and what it isn’t. We also analyzed how much of our time we actually spent loving ourselves and it was disappointing to find that most of it was actually spent being passive aggressive instead of being assertive. One clear quality of someone who loves themselves is the quality of being assertiveness and knowing that there is no condemnation for being honest and communicating your wishes and desires well and also ensuring that those around you are aware of this.

Our conversation this morning too back to my most recent former relationship.You know that ex you loved so much and could not walk away from and yet deep down you knew it would not last. You knew what you were not happy about and you would not state it because you feared your honesty would make them leave. I have been in a toxic relationship and this one by far was the most draining. I spent more than 10 years emotionally invested in a relationship. I enabled the behavior that my ex boyfriend had of walking in and out of me whenever he felt. Every time he would do that I would be so mad that I would pen down a freaking long email telling him how I felt but that never helped much because after 2 years of going awol on me I would forgive him in a heart beat and kiss and make up. The love I had for this man was so blind to the point were I would not even ask why he behaved the way he did or at least if he did respond I would believe anything he would say.To justify my passiveness I would say ” love hopes all things”. My hope was we would be together and his shady ways would come to an end but they didn’t. The most painful thing that was that he got married and never bothered mention it to me. What was even more painful was that even after his marriage did not work out I still took him back. Was I secretly waiting for this man to close and open the door into my life whenever he felt like it? Maybe I did.Maybe I secretly and desperately wanted to believe that the little love I was getting from him or the little time he gave me was all I deserved.

I thank God for time and experience as it given me wisdom. I thank heavens that I can look back at these past relationships and laugh. The conversation I had with my friend made me realize that time is such a precious element of our very existence. Instead of me thinking to myself how did I ever get into such messy situations I started to see the investment of my time in these relationships. One starts to think to themselves, had it paid out? What was I getting out of each of my former relationships or was it just about the warm fuzzy feelings which we all know don’t last that long or was there more to it? What happens when you get I not a relationship with high hopes of a “forever” and it does not happen? Is our time wasted or do we get something out of the time we invested? We are seldom taught that relationships are an investment not for the people we choose to spend our time with but also for ourselves. At some point we also stand to reap blessings of these relationships or not and I guess this is entirely dependent on how you choose your partners.

Time plays such a huge factor in our relationships. Time is like a mirror. Every day is a reflection of where you are going in life and what you have invested your time in. As a woman you look at the men that have come and gone in your life and as much as we have all had our fair share of drama, there’s one thing that is true to all our experiences, it is the will to choose who we spend our time with and what we get out of it. Was it well spent or wasted?

Can you safely look back at the choices you have made concerning your relationships and say it was time well spent? If not who’s to blame? Can you take accountability of the results you see? What have you learnt about yourself in all these relationships? What has changed about your growth as a woman experiencing life? I know I am asking a lot of questions but maybe it’s time to do some introspection.

I think if it is fine tuned in us how important our time is on earth is we will challenge ourselves to invest our time in relationships that can only continue to enrich our spirits. As women we will try our level best to put ourselves first and remember that even our happiness is important and only we can begin to show others how we want to be treated and loved. I think it’s time we explore the real depth of love by experiencing and giving it to ourselves first before we expect it from others.