Why I would make a bad secret lover?

You say you got a girl

And how you want me How you want me when you got a girl? The feelin’ is wreckless Of knowin’ you’re selfish Knowin’ I’m desperate Gettin’ all in your love Fallin’ all over love, like Do it to last, last Hanging out the back, all up in your lap Like is you comin’ home? Is you out with her? I don’t care long as you’re here by 10:30 No later than, drop them drawers Give me what I want”

If you love pop culture or pop music I am hoping you know a singer by the name of The introductory text to my blog post today comes from one of her singles. I could not find better words or yet a more vivid description of what it is that my blog post is all about today apart from her track.

Matters of the heart are genuinely not complex. We just casually say that to avoid taking accountability for your actions and prefer being in denial. I have to come to learn that as human beings it is us who are reckless, selfish and flawed and hence depending on where are in our lives emotionally we end up getting into relationships damaged and we damage the other person but anyway I am not getting into that today.

They say the forbidden fruit is the sweetest isn’t it? I cannot personally attest to that as I have not willing and consciously “tasted” someone else’s “goodies” knowing whose they are .

Szar’s lyrics made me question how desperate we have become as women and men to allow ourselves to be in such relationships? I don’t know how some women do it .

Needless to say it is not an option for me and if it was here are a couple reasons why I would suck at it . I have exclusively dated and so far it works for me.

When I choose a man trust me I want him to all myself and in every sense of the word. I cannot share my love , my time and energy invested into our relationship with another woman. Whatever I put in there impacts all of us directly or indirectly.

s.

I don’t want to be forced to call from 9 – 5 only. I couldn’t possibly deal with seeing him once a week and not on weekends because he has a family or another partner to care for.

You can’t possibly marry or introduce a man who is already married to your family unless your family or you believe in polygamy. For me that is just settling and I don’t relate to that easily.

3.

I would start thinking about whom he loves more. What do they do together? What is their chemistry like? A lot of things would come to mind and being put in that position would unsettle me.

4.

I love to outdo myself but here’s the thing I would now have someone else who I would feel like I would be competing with. Is that really necessary? Life is complicated enough as it is.

5.

How do you keep a good thing in your life a secret? I think at some point the truth will reveal itself in my circle of friends or family so I doubt I want to put the people I love in that situation. While I am an adult and how I live my life is my business I don’t come from that family background and sooner rather than later it will affect the ones I love.

Lastly what you put out there you receive something back in return whether positive or negative. The universe is forever giving back to us. So when you accept that kind of relationship you have set precedence in terms of being “a secret”. That means you can invest in that relationship all you want but the fruits are forbidden therefore how do you share the outcome of something private that is not yours to begin with.

When you are someone’s secret lover ask yourself why that offer was put on the table to begin with? How did you attract someone who believes that you deserve to be a secret. Sometimes you are a secret because he is married or because there is many of you in his life. There are so many reasons. I just hope one day you choose yourself , put yourself first and know that you are bigger and better than being kept a secret in someone’s life .